It has been two months and three weeks. Two months since I met you. Three weeks since you broke my heart.


When things started out, I was the happiest I had been for as long as I can remember. It was so obvious, all my friends could see it. You gave me a feeling, deep inside, that I had never felt before. I wished that time would stand still, so that I could stay in your arms feeling safe and special. Like a coat in a snowstorm, you protected me from a cold loneliness that I had been left in for so long.


As things moved on, we never really argued. The odd misunderstood joke I took as something that would be a frequent occurrence, since I am easily teased. I thought at points that it would never end, because no tempers broke. Like a blanket of fresh fallen snow.


When we were alone, I just needed time. Time to get used to how fast things were moving. As I have said, countless times, “I am no good at this”. You told me that was nonsense. That I was fine.


This clearly wasn’t the case.


A phone call shattered my heart like it was as fragile as a snowflake.


Three weeks ago, I sat on my bed, alone. For the first time in six weeks, I truly felt alone. I nursed a broken heart, while trusted friends attempted to make me see that I still mattered.


“But if he can toss me aside like a broken toy, how much am I really worth?” I wondered.


I spent the next two days, plotting ways to make you see what I thought was a huge mistake.


But I didn’t know the truth.


How cold your heart really was to me.


A trilby hat, some dancing and a casual flick failed to attract attention. But I refused to admit defeat.


Until I saw FaceBook.


My heart burned with passion once more.


Not with love.


With Fury.


A storm had come.


I couldn’t understand. What was it I had done wrong? How had you moved on so quickly? What did this new person have that I didn’t? Many questions raged through my mind. None of them were answered.


I spent my time trying to see the good of the occurrence that I had found so devastating.


“At least he did it now” I told myself “He could have done it in the thick of my exams.”


“There is always a chance he will change.”


I don’t think so any more.


The rain started to fall, but lightly. I couldn’t keep such feelings locked inside. When I tried, I felt myself breaking. Slowly, but surely cracking under the pressure.


But I am getting through, through the strength my friends give.


The strength to carry on.


And, for the 19th year running, I spend Christmas the same way.


With my family.
Single.
Wishing things would change.


Snow will fall in August before I am truly happy.


But still I go on.


Times change.




The world grows.




People move on.




As simple as it is said – or so it would seem.


I find myself cold again. Longing for the warm embrace to protect me from love’s snow storm.


Such a thing is only a dream.