What Have I Done to Deserve This?

I don’t get it anymore
What have I done?

It doesn’t matter what I do,
Nothing seems to work.

I work hard,
I don’t seem to get anywhere

How would you feel
If your French teacher tells you
You are making the grammar mistakes of a year seven
And she has to do something “not strictly legal”
So you can even get a grade?

What did I do
to deserve this?

I guess I could have worked harder

But

If I worked harder

No one would see me

Ever…



Because all I would do is study.

I’d get so bored

I couldn’t do it


I guess she didn’t mean bad
I guess I could have worked harder
But I don’t know how.


There is also my family


My sister hates me – she never helps me

My parents shout at me
Even though things seem reasonable

To me

I wish they could understand

But they don’t

It would seem
They can’t

Or they would sympathise with me…


What have I done
To deserve this?

I guess I could try and sympathise with them
See things from their point of view

Being a hormonal teenager is not exactly easy
I know
But trying to keep up with fashion I doubt is easy either
I wouldn’t know – I’m my own person – different

I haven’t ever had many friends


My parents
They just want what is best for me
They don’t mean any harm
But when they tell me what to do
There is a force inside
I don’t know
Who
What
When
Where
How
Or
Why

But I just want to rebel

Say no…

How can they sympathise
When I don’t know myself.


Then there is everyone at school
The people I call my friends

I often wonder if they do really like me

I am usually left on my own
I’m always doing things wrong

Someone is often upset with me

For something

Or another

I don’t mean to hurt them

What have I done
To deserve this?


Maybe they think I am happy on my own.

Maybe I just lack social skills?

Is that because I lacked friends when I was little?
Did I just forget?

They have their own problems to deal with…

Their own jobs
Their own education
Their own families
Their own lives

They don’t need me to think about too.

It would just be too much.


There is him.

Mon chéri

私の奇跡
(watashi no kiseki)

I don’t know how I can ever repay you

Your warm smile
Your comforting embrace
Your encouragement
Your loving words

What have I done
To deserve this?

All I do is take
I never seem to give

But you won’t ever let me.

But even if you did
I don’t know if I could

No matter what is said
I am grateful

But is it more than I deserve?

At least I am well off – I am not gripped in the clutches of poverty

My parents are together
I have a nice house
My own room
I am Fed
Washed
Dressed
Sheltered

And I never help
I never do it myself

What have I done
To deserve this?

I should work harder

Help out

But I always get it wrong
No matter what I do…

What do I deserve?








Nothing.