Writen 14:37 12th October 2009 - In my creative writing seminar

We were given the task of rewriting a section from “The Tell-Tale Heart” by Edgar Allan Poe in 1843. This is what I came up with.

“I do not know how the idea first entered my mind; but once it had it was prominent night and day. There was not true objective. There was no true passion. I dearly loved that old man. He had never betrayed me, or insulted me. There was nothing I wanted from him. But his eye was vulture like - pale blue, with a film over it - and it bought me terror. My blood would run cold whenever it was upon me. So, over time, the idea of taking his life seemed better. I could rid myself of that gaze forever.

You think I am mad, but I am not. Those ensconced in madness know nothing. You should have seen the care I took - the foresight - the perfection with which I went to work.”

Afterwards we were told to write a poem based on a line from one of the stories we have read. I chose the last line from the story “The Lottery” by Shirley Jackson in “The Granta book of the American Short Story”

Silence fell across the crowd
Not a sound
With stones in hand
There was a scream
This isn’t fair
This isn’t right
The voice rang out
And then there was no more

No free writing today. Sorry guys But please let me know what you think.

Anything after the double stars (**) was written after the Seminar.

“I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I keep feeling the pain. Especially when locked in silence, like now. It’s times like these I really notice the pain in my heart. I want to keep going. I don’t want to give up. But my heart aches so much at the moment I just want to cry.

I don’t suppose that my lack of sleep is helping my current situation, or my raging hormones.

My collection of bracelets on my left arm reminds me of how much I am loved though. It’s a small comfort, but not much of one.

The first one is made of different coloured string, woven together in a criss-cross pattern. It is tied in a knot to keep it there, comfortably tight around my wrist. ** Even though I bought it myself, it is very very close to my heart. 15th March this year was Jack’s 18th birthday. I bought him one as part of his birthday present, but gave it to him on White Day (14th March - The day when Japanese men give chocolates to women in thanks for the chocolate they received on Valentine’s Day). We tied each others on our wrists. My knot was so poor that he had to superglue it in order to get it to stay put. I think mine is going to need it soon too. It keeps coming loose and I have to ask him to do it up again. Next time I see him, I’ll ask him to super glue it for me.

The next one is made of silver, and has a red heart shaped charm on it. It was given to me by the Stockdale’s as a going away present, after my mum bought Jack some socks. I put it on as soon as I got it out of the drawstring bag, and it has only left my wrist when I shower. Well’ I would hate for it to get damaged.

The next is made from blue elastic and some beads. My sister made it for me as a good bye present. The same goes for this one; it only comes off in the shower.

The last one I have had for a while. I seem to remember it being given to me by Becky as part of a birthday present, but I can’t remember what year.”

Written at 8:32am on 4th October 2009 - Normally I would still be asleep

My cough is driving me insane. I didn’t sleep very well at all last night. Hence the fact I am up so early.

But I have this overwhelming feeling that part of me is missing, and it is made frustrating by the fact there is nothing I can do. I think I know exactly what it is, but I really just don’t want to make Jack worry. I would hate it if he really felt responsible, because what is missing is him.

I knew that Uni was going to be hard…. But I didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

Written at 14:12 on 28th September 2009 - Most of this was originally handwritten

“So, this is interesting. Our tutor, Amanda Boulter, who happens to be the module leader for fictional writing, has set us the task of writing nonstop. That seems like quite a random thing to do. She said we have to write whatever comes in to our head. So, why not use this time to write for my journal.

It would be easier if I could type this. My wrist is hurting. Possibly because I am tense. Who knows?

It’s a shame. It would be very interesting to write some more, especially when pressured.”

So that was the first piece. The second piece was about our hands.

“Hands are interesting. I seem to find that mine have a kind of grace about the way I move them, even though I never did ballet. They are not particularly interesting either, unless you like miss-shaped nails that don’t look as if the owner cares for them. A few spots are feel-able on the bone of my little finger. They look like eczema. They are not.”

I was then going to start going on about my water allergy… but I didn’t have enough time.

Written at 21:34 24th September 2009

I am so bad when it comes to remembering to write this. I need to remember to do it. It might be easier now I don’t have my family nagging me. Though I have to take in to account that I have to cook and clean for myself…. I mustn’t let things get out of hand, and everything should be fine.

I think leaving Jack on Tuesday was the most heart breaking thing I have ever had to do. I couldn’t help but cry, which made him cry. I felt mean. But still, we knew it was coming. I wish I hadn’t hyped it up so much. But I don’t know what else I could have done.

I cried on and off through the car journey. I was trying to have a more positive outlook on what was going on. I was going on an adventure. I would be doing things completely new to me. I would be living on my own; I would be responsible for myself. These ideas were quite exciting to me. They still are.

My house is right at the front of the campus. We had to drive all the way round the one ways system to find it after I got the key.

The first person I met was Jo. She was bright and bubbly and seemed excited to be here. After getting my stuff sorted out that I had bought with me, my parents, sister and I all walked in to the city centre, so we could find lunch and do some shopping for me. The bill came to more than I had expected… so it was a bit of a wakeup call. I really am going to have to be careful if I want to save up enough money to do things like EXPO and going to see Jack in Cambridge. I really want to find out what it is like up there, and for him to come and see what things are like here. I think he’d like the atmosphere… It’s a shame that Winchester and Cambridge are not closer. However, things would be worse if I was in Carmarthen; there is a three hour drive just to get home!!

After my parents left, the initial missing them kicked in, like I knew it was going to, so I went and talked to Jo in her room. We chatted and shared a large bottle of Original WKD in plastic champagne glasses she had bought with her. We chatted, I showed her the Randomness Hour, a webcast that Fairy, a friend of mine, and I do, which she seemed to enjoy.

That evening was amusing; six of us sat in the kitchen, just chatting. Everyone seemed really nice, and friendly. I look forward to getting to know them better.

As for yesterday, I was up quite early, unintentionally. I had to go and register at 12noon, but I was queuing for over an hour. I chatted to people in the queue, which was quite fun. I managed to pick up someone else’s stuff. I did manage to get it back to him, but I was quite embarrassed. Oh well. That is a fun way to make a friend I suppose.

That evening 7 out of the 8 of us went down to the pub. We played games and drank a bit. It turned out it was Emily’s first time, because, being American, she previously couldn’t drink until she was 21.

Today, was not really all that interesting if I’m honest. I went to a talk and did a little bit of shopping for essentials. Besides that it hasn’t been particularly special.

Still, let’s hope that the future is a bit more interesting.

Write again soon ^_^